the amazing adventures of rachy

"Do you think you are happy with your life right now? Blog about the great things in your life or what you would like to change."

That is the prompt this week at Mystical... so where to start!

Well I am blessed with the most amazing husband... a man who amazes me every day with his love and his devotion. He is an awsome father and I am truely blessed to have found him.

Then there are my kids. wow. Those two little terrors are my reason for getting up every morning. Without them I would be lost. They are so amazing in so many ways and I could ramble on about their wonderfulness for hours. I dont know what I did to deserve to have these two people in my life let alone have them as my children.

I am also greatly blessed to have some awsome friends. Molly, Dea, Chelle, Cazza, Mel... each of these wonderful, amazing, beautiful women bring wonderful positive things to my life. They are all different and unique and to be honest I do not know what I would do without them.

On top of that I am healthy, I am free, I have a home, I have food, clothes etc.

So with all that I am beyond happy.

BUT...
There are some shitty things too... things that have gone on for years and things that have come to a head over the past few months that have caused me to feel not so happy or blessed or lucky.
I have had no contact with my mother for about 8 weeks now. I miss her but right now I can not put myself through what it takes. Its a long story... one that possibly goes back longer than my life... and one its not appropriate to get into in this type of forum. Mum has her own priorities and I havent been one for a long time... she doesnt need me and every day I dont hear from her tells me she doesnt want me either. Same as my brother... he and I are no longer in contact because apparently I know nothing and my feelings and opinions count for nothing. (And well... who wouldnt get it when they were told that?)
And then there is my dad. He and I are probably closer than ever due to the recent circumstances and that is another blessing really but it has come at such a high cost. But dad has his own issues... things beyond his control. But I know he loves me and thats all I need.

So the things I would change...
I would like my mum to see that she has some faults and that good work can be done at home and in the family as well as out in the community. I would like her to realise that not everyone is out to "get" her and there is no need to cut people off at the slightest hint.
My brother I would just like him to grow up finally. Get a life, get a purpose and some stability and cut the friggin apron strings. Maybe then he will realise he doesnt know everything.
My dad... if I could change anything I would make him better... turn him back into the man he was 15 years ago before he became bi-polar.

And for me out of that I would get a mother who loved me and wanted to spend time with me, a brother who treated me with respect and a father who was happy and healthy.
I dont know how to change any of this. Maybe one day I will work it out.

So thats it... yes I am happy and I know how blessed I am but underneath there is some saddness and some shitty stuff that kinda takes the shine off all the good stuff a bit.
Now that was deep wasnt it?
Maybe tomorrow I will manage a more upbeat entry.

Written by Rachy at 10:31 PM